Friday, May 8, 2009

A Loud Whisper of Sorts

I promised to write about the other way God has spoken to me in the past. It is not that I want anyone to think I am special. I simply want others to know that God does speak to His people. When I first started to "hear" God's whispering words, it seemed liked sudden thoughts that came to me from out of the blue. I heard one pastor once say that it is like a bubbling up of spring water, not a constant flow like a river. It is the very way I 'heard' God speak to me when I became a Believer. Now, I have had the encounter several times and what I thought might have been God proved to have been God, so I find I am more confident these days when it is from God. Mind you, there are plenty of times when I am not sure God is speaking and it requires a lot of prayer, a watchful eye, and a humbleness to recognize that my 'listening' may be entangled and therefore distorted with my own human nature. Let me explain though, how I've heard form God in the past.

The day I became a Believer I was in a church service. It happened during the worship time. I looked around the room and wept. I saw all these people singing to God with sincere, wholehearted love. It was overwhelming and beautiful. In my consumption of emotion, I 'heard' a voice in my mind that said, "Look back on your life. Think on all the times when you almost died. I suddenly remembered the two times I tried to commit suicide as a little girl. God said, "I am the One who sent someone in the room to rescue you." I thought of the car accident that nearly killed me. I heard, "I am the One who kept you from being thrown from that car." Then the "whisper" reminded me of the three times I was almost raped. The 'voice' said, "I am the One who suddenly brought others into the picture to intervene." Then I 'heard", I let you stray to the right and the left of the path I have for your life but those times when you got too far off, I am the One who pushed you back on the road. I did all this to bring you to today. But starting today, you will no longer be allowed to stray. I have things I want you to do and since you have always belonged to me, you must now seek what are the things I want to do in your life."

I thought about running away at this point, but heard the 'voice' again. "You can run wherever you want, but you will always be tucked away in the hem of my robe and therefore you can never really escape me. I am the One who put the hole in your heart as a little girl - a hole that has made you yearn for love, the love you wanted from a perfect Daddy. I am that perfect Daddy. I want to fill your hole with my love. I wanted you to know me, that I am your perfect Daddy."

Does this all seem crazy? I really can't explain it any other way. I 'heard' this voice in my mind. It was kind of like dreaming, only to the best of my recollection, I was awake. I mean I was still sitting through the service that morning and I left a new person. I 'heard' this voice a few other times too. One time was actually before I became a Believer. It was in a service at an Episcopal church (where we used to attend, reluctantly). A woman priest came to give the service that day. I'd never heard of a woman priest before. I thought it was ridiculous until I heard her sermon! I not only heard her sermon, but I heard a voice in my head that said, "You will do this some day!" The only reason I didn't pursue a career as a priest at that point was that my husband thought I was nuts!

I heard the same message when I attended a Women of Faith conference about a year after I became a Believer. As I listened to women speaking, I also heard a 'voice' telling me that one day I'd be doing what they were doing - speaking and sharing God's story in my life and being an encouragement of faith to other women. And...I heard the voice again one other very distinct time.

I had become quite involved in a Children's Church program we'd started for our grade school children at our church. At the end of one year in this program, a friend and myself were praying about what to teach the following year. We felt like God wanted us to teach the names of God and I was led to a new curriculum written and published through the Bethlehem Baptist Church where John Piper pastors and went to a workshop to learn more about it.

As I sat though the workshops, I would hear all these really awesome ideas and concepts about teaching the children the Word of God. I would again 'hear' this voice. The voice kept saying, "Well, when you run Children's Ministry, you can do it that way too." I heard it over and over again, and remember thinking, "why do I keep hearing that?! There is already a pastor over the children and even if he wasn't there, I am not a pastor. Why would it seem like God is telling me that I would run things? I'd never become a pastor." It was so confusing!

Little did I know that the children's pastor would step down two months later! the 'voice' came to me many times, "Go tell your pastor God wants you take over." It seemed so ridiculous that it took three months of just not standing it anymore before I finally got the nerve to tell our pastor. The results (and I'm skipping a lot of detail here - perhaps for another blog)...I was children's minister at our church for 3 1/2 years! I was certain at that point, that God does in fact still speak to His people! I can't go on, although I could, but it's a blog, not a book. Perhaps tomorrow I'll tell you about that journey in Children's Ministry!

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